Dresses I Wish Weren't $1,120: Chloe's Striped Jersey Dress + "Relatively" Cheaper Options!

($1,120, Chloe, Net-a-porter.com)

ZOMG. Granted, the design and colors of striped jersey Chloe dress are awe-inspiring, um, but, WHY is it over a grand? It's made of fucking JERSEY, people! Look at all the other similarly cute jersey dresses you could purchase for far, far less!

($139, Betsey Johnson, Bluefly)

It's Bluefly, bitches!

($425, Diane von Furstenberg)

Not cheap, to be sure, but it's DVF. Worth every cent for this gorgeous wool frock.

($448, Badgley Mischka, Saks)

Next to Chloe, this Badgley Mischka jersey dress is "a steal!" And it's far more elegante.

($203, Mara Hoffman, Saks)

This doesn't totally apply, even though it is jersey, but I threw it in there because I forgot how much I love Mara Hoffman, and because it's stripey, and because I think it could actually look really cute with some peach-y pumps.

($88, JC de Castelbajac, Yoox.com)

Ok, certainly we're straying a bit too much into total-tennis territory here, but this adorable red-and-white-striped dress feels like a children's book come to life -- now, normally that would be really bad, but the not-too-obtuse scribbles make it whimsical and not too cloying.

Take A Bow: Adorable Bow Heels!

Yay for heels and flats with adorbs bow accents -- a totes yay way to femme up menswear. So, shall we? Let's!

($132, Betsey Johnson, Amazon)

These have a great Deco feel. Like, if The Rocketeer were a chick, she'd wear these. Which brings me to my recent awesome idea: a Rockettes-Rocketeer mash-up called the Rocketettes. It'd basically be a Rockettes dance show, but it'd be more performance art-y, and they'd be dressed like Rocketeers. Awesome, right?

(Apprx $61 USD, Schuh.co.uk)

Such a cute alternative to regular ol' black pumps. Yay for me: I just bought a similar pair from H&M the other week, but they were patent leather (but not TOO shiny) and had a lower heel for added comfiness.

($190, Taryn, Zappos)

D'Orsay = mas sophisticado.

($60, MIA, Piperlime)

Patent leather bow pumps = really cute in red! They come in black too.

(Apprx $51 USD, Schuh.co.uk)

Slightly ridiculous, but ridiculously fun.

($176, Nana, Yoox.com)

Usually I'm not into grommets and punch-outs and stuff, but MAAAAN would I ever make an exception for these Nana boots.

k. FIN!

Betsey Johnson Sample Sale (NYC)

I stopped by the Betsey Johnson sample sale yesterday. First of all, it was crowded as FUCK and even hotter than that. The checkout lines snaked around the room and doubled over, and the A/C was non existant. But, the merch was fairly great. I looked online and can't find a lot of what was available, because there's a lotta last season stuff, but everything (it's about 95% dresses) was in perfect shape (no gross stains or tears). Definitely worth checking out. It's only through today though, so go!

A few examples of stuff I saw...

($276, Betsey Johnson)

My absolute favorite!

($238, Betsey Johnson, Amazon)

Though this may seem a little scary, in real life it's actually gorgeous. Wants!

($124, Betsey Johnson, Bluefly)

I tried this on (over my clothes) in the black and brown-trim version. Loved it... but not enough to stand in line.

($276, Betsey Johnson, Revolveclothing.com)

Love this. Very Toni Collette in "The Hours."

($390, Betsey Johnson, Zappos)

Saw several of these. They're pretty but not even worth the $80 or however much they were.

($282, Betsey Johnson, Amazon)

Eek. So early-80s pageanty!

($169, Betsey Johnson, Overstock.com)

Eek! Too "Dallas."

I also saw a few awesome striped sweater dresses, but again, I was too much of an old lady to deal with standing in line, and I actually do TRY to NOT spend money... sometimes... But if I were going to buy a Betsey dress, it'd be this one:

($330, Betsey Johnson, Urban Outfitters)

Loves! Online only = bewz.


PS: Love this one too!
($415, Betsey Johnson, eDressme.com)

Batty Betsey Bags

Even though both Betsey Johnson and her Betsyville line of bags are basically synonymous with Crazytown, the wackadoo side of me still sorrrrrta loves some bags from both lines...

($335, Betsey Johnson, Nordstrom)
Far more subtle than what we usually see or expect from Betsey. Not bad at all!


($295, Betseyjohnson.com)
Also totally toned-down. For Betsey.

($283, Betsey Johnson, Zappos)
Love the croc combined with the chain handle detail.


At first I was into the 24K Oversize Satchel, which is all sold out at Nordstrom. Then I realized that it was actually clear and not white. Which made me not really care after all that it's sold out. I still love the handle though.



($95, Betseyville, Nordstrom)
So much cognitive dissonance happening with this bag. It's both awful and awesome all at once.




($125, Betseyville, Zappos.com)
No lovey the ribbon ties, but the paper doll print is fun.



($95, Betseyville, Jestjewels.com)
Busy but fun.


($75, Betsey Johnson, Hot Topic)
Yes, this is from Hot Topic. Oh well. It's cute!



($67, Betsey Johnson, Macys)
Without the strap, this clutch is actually really cute.




(Betseyville, Macys, sold out)
Okay, now I'm really starting to scare myself. At least I know I just like the IDEA of the Diamond Girl bag, and not the actual bag itself, as I'm quite usually quite opposed to wearing any other face on my person aside from my own. (Though if you're looking for one for yourself, check eBay.)


($20, Betseyville, Jestjewels.com)
Cosmetic case = probably the safest best yet.

Fugs Footwear

Yay! I'm back! Let's get right back to Bingeness!

The jazz shoe trend is basically awful. I don't know if it's worse for men or women -- probably women since we have such a wider array of footwear choices -- is there really any excuse for CHOOSING to wear these? I mean, perhaps if I got in my time machine and sucked myself back to 1986, Rita Wilhelm's school of dance in suburban Cleveland, where I was mastering pivots and jazz hands and shit to the electro wop wops of Midnight Star (true story), perhaps THEN there would be a valid excuse. But it's not 1986 anymore (unfortunately), and therefore there is NO excuse.

Our prescient pals to the east, Shoewawa, over in UKtown, called y'all out on your shit back in January, pulling over these little printed horrors for a footwear felony in the first degree!

Objection sustained! These are a CRIME!


Then... Refinery29.com called out these metallic mortses in April.
A thousand nos! These Chausser shoes are an abomination. It's a sad fact, however, that these are fantasy fuck-me shoes, meaning that if a famous guy approached you wearing these, you'd totally fuck him despite the fact that he was wearing these. If any non-famous real-life guy attempted to even LOOK at you while wearing these, you'd do well to toss your drink in his face then slap him for good measure. All because of these faux pas. (Sorry, but you know it's true.)

Then Portland's Ultra commented on how Dior and Cause-Me-Pain-Hedi Slimane had been sending white jazzies down the catwalk in '06 eventhough Gucci male models did the runway
in them just the other month for their Spring/ Summer '08 show in Milan -- Oh the HORROR!
Um, hi. They sucked in 2006. They suck this year, and they will continue to suck in 2008.

In case you don't believe me, guys, you can get yourself a pair on Asos.com for just $55 and experience the fear first hand.

Or, ladies, you can feel the fear yourself:
($28, Urban Outfitters)
And you can defile four different colors, should you so choose, because they also come in white, teal, black and super no-no silver!

Also, these different variations of peep-toe boots and gladiator sandals need to end. Now. Let's start with these:
($429, Cesare Paciotti, Zappos)
Not so good, Al.


And now, a random parade of awful shoes.
($116, Kate Spade, Zappos)
No.


($116, Sigerson Morrison, Zappos)
I LOVE orange, and I LOVE tacky stuff, and even I was able to resist.


($186, Delman, Zappos)
Some poor helpless lamb died for Delman's sins. Unspeakable.


($694, Bruno Magli, Shoes.com)
Besides the movie "Bringing Down the House," I'm not sure what Queen Latifah did to deserve having these shit-striped twin towers named after her.


($83, BCBGirls, Zappos)
Isn't it bad enough that shitty shoes like these dominated the 1990s? Do they really need to make a return?


Okay... Now it's time for some redemption. Shoes I like! Onward!
($162, Betsey Johnson, Zappos)
I'm not crazy about the rose detail, but the colors rule.


($59, Pink Studio, Village-Shoes.com)
Ab fab print!



($79, Steve Madden, Nordstrom)
I was on the fence about these when I saw them on Lulu's Fashion Lounge. But they passed my "yes" test by a hair when I saw this close-up shot. The flowers are adorable and very shabby chic.


($32, Adi Designs, Overstock)
These are a wee bit Jessica Simpson-y, but I really like the heel height, the bow detail and the price! Huzzah!


($64, BCBGirls, Amazon)
These are also fairly silly, but they look comfy, and you never know when you'll receive a last-minute invite to a polo match.


Finally, and in news unrelated to footwear, my birthday is fast approaching, and I would really really appreciate this:
($869, Mike & Chris, ActiveEndeavors.com)
Thanking you in advance,
Tamron Lohan