What Would You Do... For These Chie Mahara Heels?

($350, Chie Mahara, ShoeMine.com)

Dudes, remember those insipid "What would you do for a Klondike bar" commercials, where some cheesy ad execs thought everyday people would be so desperate for a poorly designed wedge (how do you eat a SQUARE of ice cream with NO spoon, no stick, no handle, nothing!) of tasteless vanilla ice cream covered in barely edible cheap chocolate that they'd bark like a dog (a big dog!), hop up and down on one foot, or do something REALLY crazy like put the dirty dishes in the sink!

Well, I wouldn't do any of that bullshit for a crappy, inexplicably Inuit-inspired cheap-ass bodega frozen dessert, but for these Chie Mahara "Ox" heels (they're cheaper on the Chie Mahara site, but some of the sizes are sold out), I'd... punch an old lady, smack a baby (but only if it was crying), leave a banana peel in someone's path, not warn someone that they were about to sit on a bench full of wet paint, rob a T-Mobile, or possibly even kill a grifter.

What would YOU do for Chie Mahara?

Victoria's Secret Booties: Love 'Em Or Leave 'Em?

I swear, I'm not even making drug party, but I think I actually like these booties by Victoria's Secret.

($39, Victoria's Secret)

I know. They're Victoria's Secret! And they're metallic! Normally that'd be a double ew, but am I wrong in thinking that the silver ones would be cute with a pair of dark indigo skinny jeans and a little black jacket? Really wrong? Lemme knows, hos!

Two far less controversial boots:

($268, Frye, Urban Outfitters)


($79, Urban Outfitters)

Tweety Shoes: For the Birds

... And for infantile adults who don't know how to dress, too!

Via ThreadTrend, whose writer, Manuel Paul, shares my burning haaaaatred for any apparel with Betty Boop on it. Manny, I'll see your Betty Boop and Tweety, of course, and raise you any other item of non-child-sized clothing with a fucking Looney Tune, Pooh bear, Sesame Street or franchised cartoon character. It's horrifying, humiliating and repellent. And these shoes are no exception. This is some serious Lil Mama shit right here, and I mean that in the worst way possible.

I guess the only way you could get away with wearing these would be if you wore them shiny leggings, a vinyl fanny pack, and a doggie bag. And then punched yourself in the brain.

Spring 2008 Shoe Trends: Are Moccasins The New Ballet Flats?

So, Stylehive has declared ballet flats out, moccasins in. Not so fast, says Fashionbinge! Saying ballet flats are out is a little overly general, no? That's like saying "sneakers are done!" These-a days "ballet flats" merely suggests a broad, far-reaching style of shoe, like "platforms" or "sandals."

Anyway, I don't plan on giving up ballet flats -- in warmer weather, they're the perfect, slightly more fance-pants alternative to flip-flops. But, I have room in my heart for moccasins too, though only ones that don't look like bedroom slippers or like they were stolen off the feet of some dusty old mannequin in a history museum diorama about Native Americans living on the prairie or whatever. Basically, any moccasins that look like dead animals should be avoided at all costs.

That said, the ones I saw at Forever 21 the other day are straight-forward and innocuous:

($22.80, Forever 21)

Cute, preppy weekend wear, perfect with jeans.

($42, Minnetonka, Urban Outfitters)

Lo and behold, Urban Outfitters has tons of moccasins in their batch of spring shoesies. Though, oddly, they only have brown and black Minnetonkas. I say, if you're gonna do the moc, do the original, y'all. If I were to get a pair, I'd kick it old-school and go with the o.g. white ones, just like the ones I owned circa the 1988-9 school year. Brown would be a close second, but definitely not black.

($34, Urban Outfitters)

Urbs also has lotsa boat mocs. I say "meh." Go with the moc or the boat shoe (if you MUST), but not both at the same time.

I'm also always a fan of a leather (or leather-like) moc. Too bad these Chloe are priced off the map:

($374, Chloe, Net-a-porter.com)

Steal 'em!



...Versus...

($90, Enzo Angiolini, Piperlime)

A steal! I had a pair like this a few years ago from Old Navy or somewhere like that, and I wore them out -- they went with absolutely everything (except gold, of course). This style's the perfect disposable seasonal shoe.

($82.95, Kenneth Cole Reaction, Zappos)

Another decent pair.

... And now for some not-so-decent pairs:

($86, Steve Madden, Zappos)

I wouldn't even wear these in the privacy of my own home.

($178, Materia Prima, Zappos)

These make me feet feel depressed.

($93, J. Renee, Zappos)

These somehow came up in my search of moccasins. And I really really wish they hadn't.

Finally, to bring this thing full circle, a cute pair of ballet flats, on sale!

($59, J. Crew)

The other versions are an atrocity, but these are simple and sweet. Toodles!

Footwear, Au Naturale

I present you... lots of heels and boots, with nods to nature in the form of wood, straw and earth tones! Hippie chic meets urban sophisticate... errr something...

($114, Asos)

Love the woo heel, though I'm not totally convinced that the peep toe element is okay. Oh well. Sacrifices, I suppose! And they're gorgeous in green too:

($360, Pedro Garcia, Net-a-porter.com)

I'm also not totally sold on these, but I kind of like the rustic, ruggedness of the unfinished edge.

($320, L.A.M.B., Shopbop.com)

Um, okay so I'm sorta cheating with these, but the woven effect is sorta nature-y, no? Rattan and wicker porch chairs and all that?

($70, Faryl Robin, Ravinstyle.com)

Normally these would be just a little too Chrissy Snow for me, but the little turquoise buckle is both totally modernizing and endearing.

($290, Derek Lam, Barneys)

I absolutely love these. They have a sorta sexy, smart speakeasy feel to them. Like you put 'em on and something naughty'll happen on ye olde Bowerie or something! Like two whiskey-drunk dudes in mustaches will have a fistfight over you that'll escalate into a knife fight!

($95, Steve Madden, Cutesyshoes.com)

Not sure who's getting knocked off here. Balenciaga? Miu Miu? Fendi? Chanel? No matter, because I can't afford any of them!

($258, Anthropologie)

Ah, my leit motif: the wood cone heel. I'd break for these.

($536, Les Prairies de Paris, LaGarconne.com)

Ah, a gorgeous wood-heeled ankle boot by the elusive, expensive Les Prairies de Paris. And in grey, no less! Oui oui!!

JAMIE LYNN SPEARS PREGNANT! (Plus, Some Cute Leather Booties)

(Photo via TMZ.com)

HOLY FUCKING FEDERLINE! Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant. (Story at TMZ.com). You know, I step into the grocery store for a few Tuesday night needs, I walk out, and the last bastion of Spears family hope has a mini bun in the oven. (And please note, I already know I'm going to hell, so to ensure that I get there safely, I'm gonna continue blogging about a 16-year-old's illegitimate pregnancy.)

Okay, so seriously... WHAT THE FUCK? Are condoms not available in other parts of the country? And it's funny, right now I'm reading "Middlesex" by Jeffrey Eugenides, and I JUST read the part about how sometimes the English language isn't powerful enough to contain emotion or sentiment. Um, HELLO! TRUER! THAN! EVER! Because is there even a word for levels of schadenfreude this fucking epic? If not, someone ought to invent one.

Also, do you think this was like... some kind of intentional attack by the Winehouse Fielder-Civil camp to deflect attention away from Amy's arrest? Do you think they're even capable of plotting, let alone standing up straight?

Ok. I'm off to enjoy the inevitable media feeding frenzy.


Oh yeah, these boots are hot:

($69, Spiegel.com)

'Tis The Season For Fugs Footwear: The Holiday Edition

Truthfully, the only thing these shoes have to do with the holidays is that it's the middle of the December. Now that I've cleared that up, let's get to it:

($164, Glory Chen, Endless.com)

You don't even need to have seen the inside of this person's home to know that it's decorated in that depressing pastel "Southwestern" Stucco style.

($50, Schuh)

How can just one pair of cheap shoes say so much about unfulfilled expectations?

($470, Bernard Wilhelm, Shopfatal.com)

Remember the '80s? Yeah? Me too. Some things are best left there.

($198, Free People)

Aye caballero. No mas, por favor!


(Apprx $152, Topshop)

Perhaps these "Gladiator" boots were named after the movie, which would explain why they suck so epically.

($109, Type Z, Zappos)

Can whoever took Apollonia's purple suede "shoobies" without asking please return them? She's getting pissed.

($2,350, Christian Louboutin, Net-a-porter.com)

FINALLY! A boot that lets me pay tribute to both "Hellraiser" and "Blade Runner" at the same time.

($78, Naughty Monkey, Zappos)

Sometimes, "knowing when to say when" applies to the Bedazzler too.

Marc Jacobs Shoes: The Good, Bad & The Fugly

Seriously, why is Marc Jacobs stuff so schizophrenic? It's either gorgeous or atrocious.
First: I must say that I am enamored of these Marc Jacobs patent cone heel pumps:

($335, Marc by Marc Jacobs, Barneys Co-op)

They're slightly less salmon-y in real life, and they're just overall perfect.

($325, Marc Jacobs, Barneys Co-op)

Perfection!

($198, Marc By Marc Jacobs, Pinkmascara.com)

These are amazing. And my size too!


... But how does that explain these atrocities?

($300, Marc Jacobs, Barneys)

I hate criss-cross no matter what, but a criss-cross Mary Jane? So misguided.

($235, Marc Jacobs, Barneys)

The biggest crime of all! Asymmetrical slingback? Metallic? Jeweled heel! FOR SHAME, MARC JACOBS!

Take A Bow: Adorable Bow Heels!

Yay for heels and flats with adorbs bow accents -- a totes yay way to femme up menswear. So, shall we? Let's!

($132, Betsey Johnson, Amazon)

These have a great Deco feel. Like, if The Rocketeer were a chick, she'd wear these. Which brings me to my recent awesome idea: a Rockettes-Rocketeer mash-up called the Rocketettes. It'd basically be a Rockettes dance show, but it'd be more performance art-y, and they'd be dressed like Rocketeers. Awesome, right?

(Apprx $61 USD, Schuh.co.uk)

Such a cute alternative to regular ol' black pumps. Yay for me: I just bought a similar pair from H&M the other week, but they were patent leather (but not TOO shiny) and had a lower heel for added comfiness.

($190, Taryn, Zappos)

D'Orsay = mas sophisticado.

($60, MIA, Piperlime)

Patent leather bow pumps = really cute in red! They come in black too.

(Apprx $51 USD, Schuh.co.uk)

Slightly ridiculous, but ridiculously fun.

($176, Nana, Yoox.com)

Usually I'm not into grommets and punch-outs and stuff, but MAAAAN would I ever make an exception for these Nana boots.

k. FIN!

7th On Sale: Ebay Finds!

Ooops -- was having some Blogger issues... But we're back...

Okay, so aside from Parker Posey's hot mess, Michael Stipe's flasher outfit and Kate Spade's bizzare purple pup tent (see all and more mortses here), it turns out there actually is some good stuff up for grabz on 7th On Sale's eBay sale. Most of what I think is most spesh is the shoes. I've had a bunch of stuff in my watch list, and a lot of it went for mere PENNIES on the dollar, relatively speaking, of course. Observe, won't you?

APPAREL:

(Currently $31, Twinkle By Wenlan)

Unbelievably adorable. This one's a size 4, but I think there's also a 10.

(Currently $31, Theory)

Sweet little staple. Size 6.

(Currently $112, Topshop)

One of Kate Moss' very own Topshop designs. I believe this was the dress everyone was shitting nuts over? Anyway, here it is in size 6. As always, spoon and lighter sold separately!

(Currently $55, Topshop)

Though I love this one more. GAH! I LOVE HOLIDAY PARTY DRESSES! GAH! Size 8.

(Currently $34, Halston, Topshop)

Not sure if this size 6 maxi dress is vintage Halston or what, but it's a great price, and it's never too early to start shopping for summer.

(Currently $33, Topshop)

Love this in theory, but in practice, puffy plaid may not go well with my curvy 5'2" frame, eh? It's lovely though. Probably best left to tall floggers like our Ms. Spinach!

(Currently $33, Topshop)

This jacket freaking RULES, but again, with my shortness and disproportionate chestal curves, I don't know if I could pull it off without looking like Betty Boob. Size 8.

(Currently $127, Yigal Azrouel)

The jacket's the thing here, y'all. Very cute -- black, metallic, size 4.

(Currently $8.60!!!, Topshop)

Ahhhh grey skinny jeans. The quilted Chanel bag of ... jeans. Love these. They're size 6/ 28.

(Currently $18, Loomstate)

Really cute, and they come in a few different sizes.


BAGS BAGS BAGS!

(Currently $202, Mulberry)

The Blenheim bag. Gorgeous.

(Currently $222, Michael Kors)

Apparently the one up for auction is the black version. Lovely, but I doubt I'd be willing to spend more than $200-something on it.

(Currently $185, Salvatore Ferragamo)

Beautemous color.

SHOES. OMG. SHOES:

(Currently $78, Ferragamo)

Size 7. Love the woven detailing throughout. Nice variation on sometimes-boring brown pumps. Yay!

(Currently $47, Pedro Garcia)

Apparently these are black, though they look a little purple in the photo. Regardless, these are such great holiday flats. Size 7.

(Currently $50, Jean-Michel Cazabat)

Granted, I'd fucking KILL myself in these, they're pretty amazing. More power to you if you can walk in a wedge (in wintery conditions!) and you're a size 7.

(Currently $50, Jean-Michel Cazabat)

More picture-perfect Christmasy shoes. Size 10.

(Currently $108, Giuseppe Zanotti)

Size 9. Probably my favorite of their shoe offerings.

(Currently $100, Alejandro Ingelmo)

Second faves. Size 8.

(Currently $94, Burberry)

Well hello ubiquitous Burberry studded sandals. We've seen you before. If you're the type of person to care about seasonal stuff, a.) you probably aren't reading this and b.) you probably already own these. But if you don't and you don't, now could be your chance. These are size 8.5 but they have a bunch of other sizes too. I personally love these and think they're actually pretty timeless.


SKATE:

(Currently $22, Cynthia Rowley)

Cuteness, and ONE SIZE FITS ALL!